Here, In the Black and White

I write my words in tiny letters on soap bubbles: free and unafraid, free and safe, free and content, free and brave and I watch as they lift and blow and burst into nothing 

I write my words on the ceiling to stare at when I don't sleep at night: broken injured exhausted and they circle and jeer and I beg for rest, for some quiet, but they haunt me in that half place between awake and dream they say disloyal they say coward

I write my words on the bathroom mirror, in the steam they run and streak: Old. Haggard.  Fat no obese no grotesque, a melted candle, a bloated corpse.  I write blemish, I write imperfect.  I wipe them away, get on with life but they stay on my hands and stain everything I touch indelible and permanent

I write words with hands that are old and dry. I am a struck match, an empty gun, a seized engine 

I write them on the form at the doctor's office: benign please benign please benign

I paint my words on the walls of the house in black and white and red:  Listen, alone, empty. I write Listen and I write please.  I write confess, I write catharsis, I write denouement

I write my words on your face while you sleep: undeserving, unstable. I write them on your heart: need need need need need. I write them in your ear: don't forget me today 

I write my words here and I send them away like errant children: go to your room you're not getting dinner Now shut up and go to sleep shut up and give me some peace shut up or I will give you something to cry about. I write threats, empty and stupid. Shut up or I will-

I write them in my skin: pain and hurt, scarred and healed, godless sinner holy saint father and killer and comic tragedy.  I write them over and over and over and over 

I write them in one hundred foot flourescent: listen listen I paint my words in one thousand foot neon: listen listen listen 

I write in pillars of fire: pay attention to me 

I write my words in the sky I am worthy I am important. I write my words bigger than mountains, bigger than dreams: I am here I am present 

Words bigger than stars, written in plasma ejected from the sun: I will never die

Words etched on walls as shadows after the nuclear bombs dropped: Pay attention to me 

Words bigger than God: remember remember 

I whisper my words in the darkness, into the cold dark space between the stars: hey you, please don't forget I matter hey you please don't forget I matter 

And they echo in the empty universe: Hey you don't forget matter hey you don't matter 

and my words echo back  

you don't matter you don't matter

you don't matter

you matter 

matter

m 

I write my words, here in the black and white. 

 

Still Writing, 

RP 10-1-25

 

Huh.  Just one of these things that got stuck in my head when I was trying to sleep.  I paint my words on the walls in black and white and red.  I tried to write it and this is what came out.  Nothing very special maybe but it feels like something that wanted to be written.  

Anyway, as a reminder: you matter.  Your words and the things you do matter.  Reach out. comment here or, as always dissent.within at gmail dot com, on Bluesky @rpullins.bsky.social  My screen name is currently Coffin Flop following the old Twitter convention of changing your screen name to something spooooooky for October, and because I Think You Should Leave is the best.  Also on Facebook,  for now at least, until I deactivate that too, inevitably. Love yourself.  Love one another.  I believe we will need to stick close to our closest in the coming years.  Peace