Push Back

So I know what you're thinking: who died?  And okay, fair play, the last several posts have been eulogies of one kind or another what with my friends and pets dying at a pretty impressive clip, so much so that it feels kind of personal, like that last time I kicked the coffee table with my pinky toe and took the Lord's name in vain was the last straw and now its open season on my loved ones. But maybe I didn't want to write another eulogy, okay? Maybe this is my way of pushing back against the darkness, or something.  

I have been feeling that the world is getting pretty grim and that things seem to be spiraling past the point of no return, and that maybe we are all doomed here for eternity in the universe's dumbest timeline.  And whether you are a godless Tylenol snorting communist homo, or a gun humping fascist police state bootlicker, you don't have to look far to have that feeling confirmed.  And you might be thinking you are neither of those, but let's face it, these are the camps, and we have to sleep somewhere since the billionaires have taken all of our houses while we were inventing new ways to hate each other.

It is in my nature to collapse into myself and believe that we are all doomed and that the world is a hot pile of stinky buttholes, and hell man, maybe it is, but if we want a better world we have to witness a better world, no, go further, we have to LIVE a better world and so instead of wallowing in the farts of propaganda maybe we should instead cast our gaze upon things that make us happy and or inspired, or if nothing else that makes us smile in these dark, butthole infested days.

Here are a few things that I have loved recently, and for anyone who knows me none of these things will be surprising, so let's all just relax our expectations, because you're not about to have your mind blown.  Actually  perhaps you had better prepare yourself for the wild revelations to come: "Holy shit Sharon! I read here it says he loves Propagandhi, what the ever lovin' fuck? I guess I'll need to go have a lie down while I process this."

1. The Checquy novels by Daniel O'Malley. These include The Rook, Stiletto, Blitz, and a new one called Royal Gambit that I have yet to read. Each one stands pretty well on its own but read them all because they are all uniquely awesome.  I actually took my boys to a reading of his in Lansing and had him sign one of his books, but what was awesome is the boys were both pretty young when we went and I think they thought he was a friend of mine or something because they both drew him pictures and gave them to him, which he took with grace and all visible gratitude.  I have no idea if this is true but I like to think he still has them somewhere, because if that happened to me at a reading I sure as hell would have kept them.  Anyway read the books they completely rule.

2. Weapons.  I sat back after seeing this in the theater and marveled that it ever got made.  it is so weird and fun and scary and wildly darkly funny and yet so goddamn strange, that in a world of reboots and re-imaginings and prequels and sequels It is incredible to see a original and insane movie getting past the studios these days.

3. Incidents Around the House bu Josh Malerman.  A haunting tale told by a child, which seems like it could be lame but it ends up being very effective because of excellent characterization and the limited perspective of the young narrator makes our imaginations go somewhere very dark.  I didn't know this until after I read it, but this is the same author that wrote Birdbox, which I haven't read but might now because this book was so good.  I got this one on my birthday when my wife who completely rules, took me on a used bookstore tour and I got a shit ton of new stuff to read. Having an excellent and thoughtful partner is a blessing. 

4. Sinners.  A movie about race and the complexities that surround the issue told through a bloody ass vampire movie.  The music is incredible and the acting is so damn good, and there are scenes in that movie that will be emulated and outright copied in later, lesser movies.  Coogler is quickly becoming one of those directors that I will go see even if it looks like something that I'm not that into just because he did it.  Of course this is how David Fincher tricked me into going to see Benjamin Button in the theater so obviously this policy can backfire sometimes.

5. The North American Friends Movie Club podcast.  I know I have mentioned it before but that was a weird one where I was also grieving my dog.  I would like to take this time to recommend the pod without any association to any dead pets and my own failings as a human being, because this shit rules all on its own.  The three hosts, Nate and Kate and Brente spend a third of the podcast joking and talking about themselves and what is happening, because friends comes before movie club because it is more important.  The scoring system is broken and the medal segment intro is consistently awkward as hell, but the three of them are charming and funny and are genuine friends which shines through when they make fun of each other and when they lift each other up.  For a dude that sometimes just needs a friendly voice in his ears, there's nothing better.  I am a superfan of these weirdos and you should be too. 

6: Lilly.  We get to watch my ten month old great niece on Mondays and it completely rules.  She is my buddy and we have a pretty great time lying on the floor and talking gibberish at each other.  She is an absolute blessing to us and I am honored and grateful that we get to be part of her growing up. I like having a baby in the house again, especially one that goes home at three o clock. 

7. Silicon Valley. I know this isn't new at all, but the show seems very relevant these days, especially how it illustrates the insanity of the tech world, and the absurdity of the billionaire class.  Funny and stupid and nerdy, just how I like things to be. 

8. Propagandhi.  Listen I know there's not much to say here because these dudes have been doing it for thirty years.  I just wanted to have a place for this quote from Chris Hannah, guitarist and vocalist: "Everything I'm singing about is still coming from being the same person that wrote and sang our first record How to Clean Everything in 1993, but what we're putting into our songs now, probably reflects more despair than thirty years ago when we had similar perspectives but with strands of hope and naivete  Now its the existential dread of eking out a life worth living in this completely failed society."  I have been thinking about this for a while now, about how we as punks held this belief that somehow if the world were better, if people were a bit smarter if they cared a bit more or if we sang loud enough, if we just stuck together and lifted each other up, if we believed hard enough, if we voted hard enough that there could be a better world somewhere over the horizon. And I held on to that ideal for a long long time, still hold on to it a bit, even now, but what I am coming to see is that I will never live to see it, and maybe it will never come.  Maybe it was all a comforting lie we told ourselves so we wouldn't kill ourselves with alcohol and drugs and just straight up self harm.  But here's the thing: even if that bright future was never real, the dream itself saved a lot of us, kept us going through some dark shit, and maybe our belief and our songs weren't for the world at all but just for us, because the world doesn't give a rats ass about lost kids in the same way it doesn't care about  truth, justice, freedom, reasonably priced love and a hard boiled egg (how do they rise up?).  And maybe that naivete that Chris spoke of is a good thing, that without it, maybe we would all give up, get on board and start dying inside a little day by day.  Maybe that naivete could be better named hope. And in their song At Peace, we hear the line "Nothing worth having comes without some kind of fight; gotta kick at the darkness until it bleeds daylight"

Anyway, what I hope for is that you still have hope, and that maybe we can lean on each other and share the gifts we have, and that somewhere down the line there is a better world waiting for us, that some day we all get to live a life bereft of stinky buttholes or at least that the lie is so convincing that we carry on regardless.  

And if you have a minute, share something that made you smile. Reject the impulse to doomscroll, to spiral into despair to perpetuate this feeling. Push back against the darkness; its the only way to keep the light shining. 

Still Writing,

RP 

9-24-25 

I am off Twitter and am barely on Facebook, but I do lurk sometimes on Bluesky @rpullins.bsky.social if you have something to say to me.  Also as always email me at dissent.within at gmail.com or comment here.  Tell me good things that make you smile.  Also, if you're on channels that I am not like Mastadon or Instagram or TikTok, or Smesh or Flapper or Gleezey or whatever, feel free to share this there too.  Actually if you're on Flapper, don't share this there. You know why. *quick search to make sure Flapper isn't a real thing, and okay hit send*